The Deeper Story Behind this Episode
I was born deaf in my left ear. A congenital condition. One that can not be fixed. As a child, I wanted to become a musician and was always told that I couldn’t since I was deaf or people would make fun of me for thinking I was Beethoven.
I’m not special. I just worked really hard for many years to try to do one thing, make a living from music somehow. I wasn’t interested in being a celebrity or gaining lots of fans. The goal was simple, just make a living from music. That’s it.
Quitting Music and Teaching
I taught for several years. A bit in the US in the years after graduating from Berklee and then full-time in Hong Kong. I owned my own guitar school brand called Riff Centre. It was successful, but I did not have the tools at the time to grow it and nurture it to become something bigger and better.
I was working long hours. At the height of things, I had 60 students per week. And was getting asked to take on even more students on board. Too much. I buckled under the pressure and had a complete breakdown. Burnout and depression followed. I resented music at that point and then decided to quit.
Not to mention that while that was happening, I was also experiencing sharp hearing loss in my right ear. I’ve lost much of my high frequency hearing range and can not hear those frequencies without the help of a hearing aid now.
Rediscovering Joy
After moving back to Finland in 2015, I played a handful of times. I tried to start working on my new album. But the joy was missing. So I put the guitar down and at first, sulked. I withdrew completely.
Then after letting go, finding treatment for my hearing problems and getting help. I began to feel better. Life didn’t look so gloomy once the doctors said that I can safely return to making music as long as I tried to limit exposure to excessively noisy situations.
In the late summer 2016, I found a perfect little office/rehearsal space and moved in. I wasn’t sure what would happen next. All I knew was that I needed to play again and find my way back to music.
Making Cover Videos
Once I moved in, I decided that I will not go into “perfection” mode. I gave myself permission for the first time in my life to just play from a place of pure enjoyment.
I had once upon a time been on of those guys who practiced hours and hours per day. Very focused and deliberate type of training. (More about that in another video) This time I would not do that. It had been a year since I had played for more than 5 minutes.
I set new rules:
- I’m only allowed 2 hours to record all the parts for each cover. Drum programming and other midi instrument parts are not included in the 2 hours.
- I can work out the arrangement in Logic before my session, but prior to starting the session, I don’t even practice the songs. I have an idea of what I want to do before I start, but I don’t actually practice anything until the session starts.
- Whatever I get done in the 2 hour session is what it is. If it isn’t perfect, it is ok. It’s not the end of the world.
It’s Good Enough
I’m not the best guitarist in the world. I’m certainly not the best musician either. Now I’m learning to be happy with results that are “good enough”. Not perfect. I’m finding that this is ok. Acceptable. I don’t find myself obsessing over the errors.
My attitude now is: if people like what I’m doing, they’ll come to see/listen to my stuff. If not, then there are certainly way better people out there who can play circles around me. And that’s ok. There is room for all of us.